Thursday, April 16, 2015

No Crying, Please! You're Boys!





The public message on television says it all too clearly! The camera pans on a little boy's face, a little boy who has tears running down bis cheeks. The reasons may be galore - either he has been bullied by somebody, or he has fallen and hurt himself. Maybe his friends didn't want him to play with them! Or it could be a deeper hurt - his father has walked out on him and his mother. Or his pet has just died and his tender heart is breaking!



Whatever the reason, the message is, 99 times out of a 100, the same. "Don't cry! You're not a girl!" and "What's wrong with you? Don't you know that only girls cry?" "How dare you be a namby-pamby?" Parents repeat this like a litany, classmates enforce it, and the world turns into a war zone, with emotions battling it out with attitudes, that refuse to ever change.

So little boys grow up, ashamed to cry and to show their emotions. However miserable they feel, they maintain a stoic exterior, having learnt to keep their chins up and "to take it like a man", much like the British public schools of yore. "Hey, old chap, don't be a ninny! And don't let the other blokes catch you crying!"



The message goes on to show how the little boys grow into big strong men, who refuse to cry. They swagger around like heroes, not realizing how bad it is for their hearts to bottle up their emotions. For the heart is like a pressure cooker that explodes when it is subjected to too much pressure. This is why men are more prone to heart attacks than women are.
 

 
But the public message does not end there. It continues to show shots of a battered woman, her face all bruised, sitting in abject depression, finally glancing at the man who has done this to her, a strong man who knows not how to cry, a big man whose emotions are all churned up within him, a relentless man who does not know where to stop.

And the final statement says it all. "A real man is not one who does not cry, but one who does not make women cry!" 



A real man respects women, and does not abase them. A real man can be tender and loving, not harsh and judgmental. A real man is allowed to cry and show his emotions!



Now that makes sense, doesn't it?



12 comments:

  1. "Real Men and Women know how to treat each other with respect" - You said it all with that poster. It's really sad to tell boys that they can't cry because they aren't girls. The bottled up emotions only come out at violence as you rightly say. Our whole society is based on crap it seems

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    1. I always feel that gender based education is the worst kind of learning ever... girls playing with dolls and boys with guns! That is where it all begins! The glorification of men and the abasement of women! Thanks, Sundari, for sharing your thoughts with me, and for all the shares!

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  2. Yet another great post full of wisdom. I appreciate men who are not afraid to show their emotions. It is a sign of strength and not weakness.

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    1. Thank you, Devika! I also admire men who can show their emotions, because they are secure of their own identity!

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  3. Interesting and wise post. Came here thorough #atozchallenge. Read my posts dedicated to the memories of my late father http://poojasharmarao.blogspot.in/2015/04/never-again-in-memory-of-my-late-father.html

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    1. Thank you so much, Pooja, for going through my post! I will definitely read the posts on your father.

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  4. I believe that showing emotions is not a sign of weakness! Everyone has their feelings and being a man doesn't mean they cant express it! Great post Deepti :)

    New Moon

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    1. I agree with you, Swathi! Men should be encouraged to show their feelings, and they should realize tat it is not a weakness to do so! Thank you so much for going through my post!

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  5. I have seen the ad....and the impact it made was big! I made my sons watch it too..and asked them what they thought...the elder one said, "it's ok for a boy to cry but not ok to make a girl cry..." I guess any education begins at home, and ads like these open up doors to discussions at homes!

    nice write up!!

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    1. Thank you so much, little princess! The ad was quite hard hitting and stayed on my mind as well. Luckily there are such ads that do the needful! I would love to do a piece on inane ads as well! :)

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    2. oh..yea..there are many of that kind too!! and pls do it...im ready to die laughing!!

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    3. Let me collect a few apt inane ones and then i shall, I promise! :)

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