Kick Her Out! Period!
It was a telling post that I saw on Facebook that
helped me make up my mind on the topic I should write on today. When I was
younger, advertisements would pop up in magazines, talking about “those four
days” when women “were down”. Women used to discuss the topic, covering
up the actual event, (for it was one!) with substitute phrases like “chums” and “my Aunty”. God alone
knows what the poor Aunty had to do with it, anyway!
Women would be “Carefree” and “Stay free”, even as they “Whispered”
about their condition. It was as if having a period was a taboo subject, not to
be mentioned, much like the villain in Harry Potter books. (I don’t dare
mention his name, you see!)
Of course there is a reason why men were not inflicted with "the curse", which is yet another imaginative way of referring to the subject.
Only a woman undergoing PMS knows the agonies she goes
through. She feels out of sorts and often her temper goes through the roof.
The situation was worse, in the past, in big draughty
houses in Kerala, when there were cavernous rooms and tiny bathrooms, often located
outside. This was highly inconvenient, especially for women, but much safer
than it is for women these days, who have to go to the fields, which double up
as open bathrooms.
Going back to the big draughty houses, there would be
one small room, dark and dingy, which was specially for women having their
periods. They would be sequestered within for the four or five days when they
were “unclean”, and even their food would be brought to them. They would have
to wash their own sheets, and stay within, so that they would not pollute any
of the other inmates in the house by touching them. I shudder to think what
they went through, crouching in the dark, doubled over with cramps and back
aches!
I recall my mother telling me how she and her family
would go down to their ancestral home from Bombay (that was the name in those
days!) for their summer vacations. Once, she had invited some friends along
with her. There was a special function at the Devi temple, and unfortunately,
one of her close friends came down with her periods. My mother’s grandmother
was a petite woman with a will of iron. She forbade the girl from taking part
in any of the activities. Wasn't cleanliness next to Godliness? Obviously not in a temple!
Unconvinced, my mother stood her ground. “But, Ammamma
(Grandmother), what is unclean about her having her periods? Isn’t the Devi in
the temple also a woman? Doesn’t She have Her periods as well?”
Her grandmother was speechless, and for once, she did
not have any justification. Suffice it to say that my mother’s friend was
allowed to watch from a safe distance, which was a big concession on the part
of my great grandmother.
Today women are coming out and speaking about having
their periods openly, with the chums and Aunties having made a graceful exit.
And finally, let me hark back to the one post that put
this idea into my head. Maybe it will open up not only a discussion, but also
put to rest the more ludicrous aspects of menstruation. Period!
Ah, what a topic (and I'm reading it while suffering from it, what an irony)... Sri Lanka has handled / handles it much in the same way as India. In our household we're more open about it, but my sisters-in-law and I try not to go to the temple, and we do not do the Buddhist poojas at home when we're down with our menses.
ReplyDeleteDevika, I can understand that completely! I also still follow rules, but I don't agree with the reasons given, that's all! Thanks for the comment!
ReplyDeleteDeepti, I think in olden times these seclusions were boon for the ladies, at least they got rest from their rigorous routines. But yes, hygeine and sanitation were poor. Most of the rituals have a scientific reasoning behind it. it became misused and attrocious with time.
ReplyDeletePreethi, I agree with your entire comment. My problem is with the dark and dingy room, as though the woman were an outcaste. And the warped ideas about her being unclean and able to pollute others through her touch.
ReplyDeleteDeepti, you have addressed my pet peeve. It used to be war at home with my grandma every month. I used to fight every single rule, especially this staying separate. I don't follow this damn rule in my home. My daughter, who's almost thirty, doesn't even know what I am talking about if I mention some of the experiences when I was a teen. And am I glad! I believe its just one more rule created by a Male to demean women. And I refuse to follow it ;)
ReplyDeleteRight kind of education and awareness can only help us tackle these tabooed subjects like menstruation or sexuality. I liked the way your mom convinced your granny, you have to stand by the logic and It has to start from home! You have successfully done it outside too!
ReplyDeleteSundari, I can imagine the war you had with your grandmother. I guess we were born in the generation after, when we could question and argue the point! My grandmother was actually paraded on an elephant when she started her periods to announce that she was now ready for marriage!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Savita,for reading through all my blogs so regularly! I agree with you... only education and awareness can take the world forward, and break such taboos.
ReplyDeleteYou have hit the nail on the head. It has been a long time since I have stopped telling people that I am having periods and take part in the Puja and other auspicious festivals.My in-laws have 'saligrama'...the very pious shivling...yet I enter the puja room when on my periods. And they are thriving.
ReplyDeleteJanaki, I want to thank you for setting off the idea ion my head through that wonderful poster.All these rules are man made ones, and need to be taken with a sackful of salt! Thanks for visiting my page!
ReplyDeleteHmm. I guess I'm breaking the lady commenters streak here on the post. Have mom, sis and three gal best friends so have heard quite a bit from them. Mom still doesn't light the lamp in the evenings when she has her periods. Don't know if the chums have made a complete exit, because my best friend still uses that term when I ask her why she can't come meet me sometimes. But yeah, perhaps, compared to years back, the restriction seems to be lifting. This kind of reminded me of the social networking site removing the pics of a gal recently. Don't remember which site it was though, but it was on my FB homepage for quite a few days.
ReplyDeleteVinay, each to his or her own, I feel! No one has the right to object to anyone else's beliefs! I saw that post that you have referred to. Thanks for reading my post and commenting on it!
Deletepersonally, I could do with a little rest and gladly let someone take over with the cooking and stuff!! of course minus the dingy rooms and seclusion!! and I could also use a little massage to soothe my aching back, and being allowed to vent the steam on anyone I feel like...but I will never get any of those luxuries...talk about wanting what is not!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that rest and recuperation are very inviting! I am sure that one day you will get all those luxuries, and be able to enjoy them to the maximum! Thanks for reading and commenting on my post!
DeleteThat's a very powerful post and I loved the quote in the end..
ReplyDeleteCheers
Thank you so much, Geetika! I am thrilled that you enjoyed my post!
DeleteHi Deepti, Reading ur Blog after a long time...I just loved this post and all girls and women will agree with ur views. It is beautiful to be a woman but taboos like these make her feel depressed. A married woman is criticized when she fails to give birth or when child birth is delayed for some reason or other. But these critics do not realize that menstruating is as important as child birth without which the magic of giving birth will never happen. It is really annoying when we are treated as "untouchables" on "those" days and kept in a separate room, given separate plates and tumblers and so on. I used to wonder about these orthodox people when they buy vegetables, fruits etc from women vendors. How will they know if she is "untouchable" or not on the day they buy from her? We need to bring up our kids by saying that menses is part of a girls life and it need not hinder any activity of hers provided she is hygienic and energetic to do her job. Even sons should be educated about it so that they treat their wives with greater understanding and concern. Thanks again for writing on such an important topic and making it interesting too with pictures and posts...
ReplyDelete